really?

Do we really need to do that to ourselves? is it necessary to suffer in order to lose weight? to suffer by punishing ourselves up to that point? really? I suffer enough having to diet, suffer enough confronting life, feeling overwhelmed at work with things i feel not able to do! Feeling crap cos at my age i'm not where I would like to be and don't find the strength to change the situation i'm in... no relationship (and given up on them), no dreams, no future... so i turn to my diet to feel better with myself, I achieved something, not enough, that's right, but i have achieved something...but do i need to write about my failure? read how others manage better than me? do i need to hurt myself like that on purpose? do i need to see how people i care for are hurting themselves so much? really?.... I don't think so.... it doesn't help me or anybody whatsoever... support to stick on a diet, support to try to gain self-esteem... sure! support and encouragement to keep destroying myself and help others doing it too... wtf? do i really need this? why? if i want to suffer i should do it on my fucking own! i've done it so many years all by myself, i know how to suffer, i don't need any trigger from the outside cos, believe me i have enough inside my head! making me feel ashamed in public in front of the eyes of everybody? ...that's not gonna help me gaining self-respect, rather the opposite. I cab suffer alone, i do it exceptionally well, i do it so it feels like hell... i really don't need this... if i'm a P.O.S i can deal with it but i don't need to publish it so everybidy knows I am.

I'm fucking done!